How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
