There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
