kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
