hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
