I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
