i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize