Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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