I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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