I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
