it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
