I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
