ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
