I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
