I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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