I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize