I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
