my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
