omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
