She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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