This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
