Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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