Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
