You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
