Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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