He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
