i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
