some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
