i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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