My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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