dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize