Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
