I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
