Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
