do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
