all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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