I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
