Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you traded sex for a burrito?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
