can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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