If i come over, it means nothing
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
