I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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