Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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