Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
