morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
did i just pee glitter
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize