highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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