I hate your face
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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