if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
