Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
