Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
two words...techno handjob
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
