Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
