btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this will be a night to untag.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
