I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
