There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
