I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
