The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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