Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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