what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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