the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
