o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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