thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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