i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
