I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize