Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Are we still banned from the library?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
