hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
