no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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