he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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