His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Can i not drive my cunt home
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
3 2 1 whiskey
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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